Two Generations, One Coaching Room

My business unexpectedly, but consistently, presents me with two generations of clients: Gen X and Gen Z. The stories I hear during coaching sessions about how each generation perceives the other generations and their behaviors in the workplace are often full of frustration, judgment, and assumptions of intent.

Would you be surprised to learn that what we want out of work is not too far apart, but because we often rely on our own experiences to understand others, we make incorrect assumptions? 

What Gen X, Gen Z, and Millennials want in the corporate arena is more similar than we think. 

The Real Problem: Generational Default

By spending more time understanding what has formed each generation’s work habits, we can each do our part to create a better, more effective work arena, removing the roadblocks we have learned through beliefs and behaviors we didn’t choose. Generational default is shaped by what was passed down at home and what is reinforced at work, often rooted in fear, scarcity, or survival. 

We are now in a unique moment in history. For the first time, we are no longer working in the same world we grew up in; change is happening at a rate that requires our ability to adapt, and I am calling on Gen X and older Millennials to take the lead.

So, let’s start by clearing the air: no one shows up to work thinking I'm going to make life hard for everyone today. But what we don’t often acknowledge is the generations of trauma and scarcity, driven by fear and ambition that often unconsciously shape our [bad] behavior in the workplace. 

To change, we must look back to understand what has driven our behaviors at work. 

The Generational Backstory: What Shaped Us

Baby Boomers (Born 1946 - 1945): Fall in Line & Do the Right Thing

Raised by the Silent Generation, a generation that faced The Great Depression and WWII, they were taught that work meant security. They fell in line, did their job, and sacrificed for the dream. 

What Shaped Baby Boomers at Work

Beliefs from parents: 

• Your worth is tied to hard work
• Your job defines your identity
• Complaining is a weakness

Beliefs shaped by the work (economic + cultural forces):

• Climbing the ladder is the goal
• Titles and status matter
• Personal sacrifice is the price of success

Fears: 

• Becoming obsolete 
• Not being recognized for their loyalty or experience
• Being pushed out before they are ready
• Showing weakness or burnout

Bad behaviors: 

• Glorifying overwork and burnout
• Gatekeeping information or access
• Resisting change to protect control

Generation X (Born 1965 - 1980): Independent but Overlooked

Raised by Boomers during economic uncertainty and organizational distrust, Gen X grew up skeptical. They experienced their parents divorcing at a higher rate. As latchkey kids, they were told, 'You’re on your own, figure it out.' They became fiercely self-reliant but often undervalued.

Now, some of the most exhilarating moments in my coaching practice come from working with Gen Xers. After decades of conforming to expectations, many are finally starting to question the beliefs that have shaped their careers: What does success truly mean? How much have I given up? Do I still believe in this system? When Gen X starts to let go of those assumptions, you can see the shift. They begin to imagine careers built with intention, not just obligation.

What Shaped Gen X at Work

Beliefs from parents:

• Be independent and self-sufficient
• Don’t trust institutions
• You are on your own, figure it out

Beliefs shaped by the work (economic + cultural forces):

• Deliver results and don’t expect praise
• Mentoring is optional, not expected
• Be seen as competent, not emotional

Fears:

• Being overlooked or forgotten
• Asking for help and looking incompetent
• Being vulnerable or emotional 
• Trusting “the system” and getting burned

Bad behaviors:

• Withholding feedback or support 
• Quiet cynicism or disengagement
• Normalizing burnout as a badge of honor 

Millennials (Born 1981 - 1996): Purpose Over Paychecks

Gen X wanted more for their kids. Millennials were told to dream big, follow their passions, and that effort mattered most. We told them that a college degree was the answer to an easier life.

What Shaped Millennials at Work

Beliefs from parents:

• You are special, dream big
• Effort should be rewarded
• Follow your passions

Beliefs shaped by the work (economic + cultural forces):

• Visibility equals opportunity 
• Work should feel meaningful
• Feedback and mentorship are essential

Fears:

• Being underused or invisible
• Wasting years in a job that does not align with their purpose
• Speaking up and being negatively labeled
• Not being able to build financial security despite their hard work

Bad behaviors:

• Needing constant validation
• Blurring boundaries between work and life
• Chasing purpose without anchoring it to reality

Generation Z (Born 1997 - 2012): Personal Brand Meets Reality

Gen Z is still finding its footing as they enter the workforce. They were told that if they stayed true to themselves, earned a degree, and protected their mental health, the work would follow, but the world is changing at an uncomfortable pace.  

I spend a lot of time working with this generation to see how the building blocks of jobs develop the skills that will lead them to the jobs they believe will sustain the lives they want. The big spoiler alert: they may want the same things we want at work, but they don’t want the same lives we have built. 

What Shaped Generation Z at Work

Beliefs from parents:

• Be true to yourself
• Personal Brand matters
• Don’t sacrifice your mental health for a job

Beliefs shaped by the work (economic + cultural forces):

• Work should align with your values
• Mental health is a priority
• It’s okay to challenge outdated systems

Fears:

• Being forced to conform or mask who they are
• Being stuck in a toxic or outdated culture
• Not having a voice or seat at the table (early in their career)
• Burning out before they get started

Bad behaviors:

• Ghosting employers 
• Mistaking discomfort for misalignment
• Letting short-term feelings drive big career decisions

What We All Want: 

Here’s the part I want you to really hear: We are not as far apart as we think.

Across generations, I hear these same themes expressed over and over again:

• We want to be seen, treated fairly, and recognized for our work.
• We want financial security—and emotional security (not fearing we’ll be punished for making mistakes).
• We want to work with good leaders who offer transparency and trust.
• We want boundaries, accountability, and psychological safety.
• We want to work somewhere that lets us grow without burning out.
  
  

Sound fair and accurate?

Why Now? 

Baby Boomers were the last generation to grow up in the same world they worked in. That world didn’t include AI, constant reinvention, or 24/7 global economies. We are moving faster than ever, and reacting to someone else’s outdated script won’t cut it anymore.

We all inherited a script.

As Gen Xers, we now occupy many senior roles. Our job isn’t just to lead, it’s to break the cycle of generational default.

From the First Rule to the Second Response

We were all raised to react; the first rule was to follow the model, stay in line, and prove your worth. But high-impact leadership begins with the second response: leading with conscious intention. Don’t repeat what you inherited; choose what you model. 

We can no longer roam the “corporate halls” unconsciously leading. Instead, we must name and acknowledge the invisible scripts that we have internalized, and then rewrite our leadership in light of these outdated beliefs. 

So Why Haven’t We Fixed It Yet?

We say we are tired of toxic workplaces, but struggle to do the work to fix them. Why? Because toxic culture isn’t built by bad people, it’s built by unquestioned patterns: overwork masked as dedication, silence mistaken for professionalism, fear dressed up as high standards. We inherited these behaviors, normalized them, and get rewarded for them.

We can’t say be good or do better. The opposite of bad leadership isn’t good leadership. The opposite of bad leadership is conscious behaviors. It is awareness of interrupting automatic responses and making deliberate choices, especially when we are under pressure. That's the real work. It’s also how we start fixing the corporate arena. 

Here is what the shift looks like: 

➤ We were told: You're on your own; figure it out.

• We learned: Expecting help or praise means you are weak.

• Our Bad Behavior: Withholding support, refusing to ask for help, silently resenting others who do.

• Conscious Leadership: Builds connection by normalizing collaboration, feedback, and shared wins.

➤ We were told: If you have to ask, you don’t belong.

• We learned: Bringing attention to what you don’t know shows incompetence.

• Our Bad Behavior: Pretending to understand, staying silent in meetings, and avoiding stretch opportunities.

• Conscious Leadership: Models curiosity, asks questions out loud, and creates space for others to not know yet.

➤ We were told: Burnout is normal.

• We learned: Being exhausted means you are doing it right.

• Our Bad Behavior: Bragging about long hours, judging those who set boundaries, wearing burnout like a badge.

• Conscious Leadership: Respects pace, prioritizes sustainability, redefines productivity, and manages expectations across the corporate ladder.

➤ We were told: Prove yourself by producing, not talking.

• We learned: Let your work speak for itself, even if no one is listening.

• Our Bad Behavior: Staying invisible, downplaying our impact, assuming recognition will come eventually.

• Conscious Leadership: Advocates for self and others, gives credit, and brings value into the light.

➤ We were told: Don’t be different; cultural fit is important.

• We learned: Fitting in is safer than standing out.

• Our Bad Behavior: Silencing identity, blending in, gatekeeping what “professional” should look like.

• Conscious Leadership: Welcomes difference, questions sameness, and makes room for individuality.

➤ We were told: Do more, say less.

• We learned: Visibility is risky. Those who take the spotlight often fall.

• Our Bad Behavior: Minimizing accomplishments, keeping ideas to ourselves, quietly overdelivering.

• Conscious Leadership: Practices visible confidence, encourages voice, and leads with clarity, not just output.

➤ We were told: Keep them happy.

• We learned: Good employees don’t rock the boat or make others uncomfortable.

• Our Bad Behavior: Avoiding hard conversations, saying yes when we mean no, and over-functioning to manage others' emotions.

• Conscious Leadership: Leads with clarity and care, holds boundaries with respect, and trusts others to handle their own responses.

The Call to Action 

The point is not to romanticize or blame any generation. It’s time to notice the scripts we’ve inherited and to decide what we are ready to outgrow, interrupt, unlearn, rewrite, and reclaim the space for better leadership. 

Gen X and older Millennials, we are the bridge. We know what it is like to work without support, and we have to choose to lead differently. 

Gen Z, as I always tell you, you will make work better. I admire how you seek experience over status. As I always whisper to you, it's essential to remember that you still work with us, and we don’t always understand you. Meaningful change takes time, consistency, and a willingness to stay.

Talk to us, work hard to reframe discomfort as a rite of passage to growth. Don’t run; instead, work with someone to understand how the building blocks fit together. 

Together, we can build a better workplace where growth doesn’t require burnout and leadership doesn’t mean repeating old patterns. 

When things are moving this fast, we need something human. 

It’s time to unfollow the script and write the next one with purpose.